The Simple Bob & Dave Wiffle Ball Rule Book

1. Pitcher must be approximately 44 feet from batter and batter must be approximately 44 feet from pitcher.

2. Batter gets 3 outs per inning. An out consists of either

a) a missed pitched ball

b) a caught fly or ground ball

c) a foul ball - except when there are two outs

d) also included in this category is any hit or otherwise lined ball that strikes the immigrant guy's old, metallic, white screen door...thus creating a loud banging noise. In which instance you have approximately 8 seconds to run away and game will continue at a later date.

3. Batter is only allowed 3.6 pounds of duct tape per bat.

4. If ball is hit, and retrieving player has to go onto the street to catch the ball and the batter sees a car, truck, bus or any motorized or non motorized object (which may include bicycles, radio controlled toys , errant lawn mowers, and/or old people riding skateboards) coming down the street but does not tell the retrieving player and the retrieving player is killed with his brains popping out of his ears, the batter is automatically out and the retrieving player shall be buried the next day with a big ceremony.

5. Game is over when the 27th out is made by the losing player or when there is a Kathy Ireland parade down Girard Street.

HOME RUNS

Any ball, must be an official Wiffle Ball, hit to the left of that damn light polluting street light, that hits the upper rain pipe (not the one hanging over the sidewalk) or any part of the front porch of Costa or Violet or any known or unknown person at this time who moves into those said dwellings at a later date be it due to death, satanic cults, neighbors from hell, earthquakes, tidal waves, widespread coastal hurricane damage,

massive low pressure cells moving in to cause large amounts of hot air trapped near the ground to rise and become mixed with cold upper level air which in turn may lead to severe thunderstorm and / or tornado activity,

immigration of foreigners into the neighborhood or falling debris from earth orbiting satellites...shall be deemed a Home Run or as Dan Patrick would say, shall be deemed.....Gone.

Miscellaneous

Obsenities may be directed at the guy across the street or any blood relative thereof only twice during a nine inning game, 3 times if game goes into extra innings...but only after said person or persons begin screaming unintelligentable syllables such as "Hit ball again and I kill you" or "My wife no like you" or begins making nasty hand gestures which only certain ethnic groups understand or threatens bodily harm which may include, but is not limited to, the spilling of hot oil from open window ledges and / or the throwing of any solid or liquid projectiles.

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